I was struck with a simple truth yesterday whilst painting over the Polyfilla at the studio I leave tomorrow, along with thoughts about community and how important it is to connect with others, in whichever way we can.
As I begin writing, I am joined by 300 others all writing at the same time as me, on Zoom (of course) I am therefore, alone but not alone. I’ve had a quick look at the list of names and can see some of the faces on my screen, one person I know who I was messaging yesterday is here and there’s a name I recognise and am wondering if it’s that person I used to know a few years ago, people from all over the world are here, joining together in shared purpose and intention.
Taking my studio on in December 2019 at Wimbledon Art Studios was a big deal for me, a commitment to time and a financial investment too. Some of my friends and family didn’t seem to understand why I would want to rent a room in a huge building that was cold in the winter and hot in the summer plus a short drive away, when I had a perfectly good space in my garden. Well for me, it was a step further into Art being my professional vocation. It felt more like I was a proper Artist going to work, doing exactly what felt right in a way that I could manage. I set my studio up with some great furniture and made it mine. I made some good Artist friends there and also sold paintings through the Art Fairs which were online due to the Covid-19 pandemic. That was a big disappointment as the big bi-annual Art fairs were part of my rationale for choosing my studio, to increase my visibility and make new contacts. Also, I love meeting new people face to face.
I told myself I would give it a year and see how it went and it has been a great year, I’ve moved forward professionally and creatively and made paintings I’m pleased with.
So why am I moving out now ? Is it a difficult ending ?
Well it’s a combination of reasons, my health, Covid-19, hanging up my Art Therapist Hat.
I made the decision within a few days a few weeks ago; with stipulations that I do what I need to my home space to make it feel more like an Artist’s studio. So in the space of a few weeks I have emptied and cleaned studio 253, repainted my home studio with 3 coats of white emulsion, moved the furniture back in and sorted through so many boxes and folders of art work and materials I felt my brain was falling out. Querulous as to why it has felt SO exhausting, a friend told me yesterday “you’ve been making micro decisions back to back for the last 2 weeks! You’re bound to feel tired” this really helps, and normalises my feelings lest I go down the health anxiety route and suspect there’s something else ‘wrong’ with my body or my mind!
So, can an ending be a beginning?
Surprisingly my leaving Studio 253 hasn’t been nearly as hard as I thought it might be.
I think an ending is a beginning of ‘difference’, a time to evaluate, absorb and process. Endings can be very hard, I know close friends who are negotiating their own unwanted endings and it’s really painful so I hope I’m not trite in what I write.
One thing I was most concerned about in leaving my studio was that I would be closing doors in terms of contact with the outside world both creatively and commercially, but in the space of 48 hours of handing in my notice I was accepted into a group of Artists and Makers where I can show my work and invited to join a new printmaking studio very close to home as a key holder! Both opportunities came my way without me even searching for them so as one door closes two more open! How exciting is that!
I love social media and reading a friend’s post on Instagram made me aware of The London Writer’s Salon which I joined and today is my first day writing with a host of other creatives, so exciting and proof to me that I need some contact with the outside world and accountability.
These words were shared this morning which are so affirming! And confirm to me that it’s going to be ok, I’m ok. I hope you’re ok too, whatever your plans and dreams are.
“I wish I'd known that the hard days, the days when you struggle and the work feels false and frustrating are not signs that you're not up to the task or that you're on the wrong path. They're actually just signs that you're trying to do something bigger and more challenging than you've ever done before. Those are the days that matter, not the ones when the words flow and you feel like a genius. But I guess I'd also say that "success" is not something you arrive at. It's a moving target. First you just want to finish a draft, then you want to land an agent, then you want to sell a book, then you pray the book will sell. It goes on and on, and if you're always living for the next milestone, you may forget to look around and appreciate where you are. I had a friend tell me you should mark every bit of good news with a little champagne. Excellent advice.”
Leigh Bardugo, bestselling novelist
So, if you’d love to write with others:
https://londonwriterssalon.com/
If you’d love to find out about the group of Artists and Makers I am now part of:
If you’d like to get my newsletter and a new Moem (my word for poem) on a Monday once a month plus exclusive previews to my new work and promotions:
https://traceyelizabethdowning.com/
Last but not least, if you’re looking for a fab new studio that’s part of a friendly creative community of Artists and Makers, you never know you might just find yourself in Studio 253, let me know and I’ll come and see you!
https://wimbledonartstudios.co.uk
Thanks for reading I hope you’re safe and well,
Tracey xxx
Goodbye Studio 253, hello again Garden Studio, let’s get painting again.