Yesterday was my first full day working in my garden studio since moving my art practice back home. When I’ve had a break from painting I often get anxious about starting again, almost like being frozen in time, not knowing how to start. This may sound surprising? Painting isn’t a new activity to me; I’ve been making marks on paper with various materials for most of my life but the worry about the results can be pervasive.
Each weekday morning for the last 2 weeks I’ve been joining Writer’s Hour with London Writer’s Salon. It proves to me that sometimes, I function best in a pseudo communal space, a bit like being in a classroom but getting on quietly, all together. I have been really productive during these times; I’ve written morning pages, poetry, worked on content for my newsletter, all things that I would often put off and today I started this blog post. It’s so fascinating how a community of strangers via zoom can be so helpful. I think it’s the shared intention and commitment to make full use of the hour, which might, like other portions of time, seep away.
This morning my computer was saying no! Wifi issue or something but I still joined in late and asked to see the Words of Wisdom that are shared daily at the beginning, I love this quote; I am familiar with the writing of Gilbert and Solnit, both have helped me along my creative path.
We don’t have time for perfect. In any event, perfection is unachievable: It’s a myth and a trap and a hamster wheel that will run you to death. The writer Rebecca Solnit puts it well: “So many of us believe in perfection, which ruins everything else, because the perfect is not only the enemy of the good, it’s also the enemy of the realistic, the possible, and the fun.” – Elizabeth Gilbert, Big Magic: Creative Living Beyond Fear (quoting American writer Rebecca Solnit)
Yesterday an Artist friend of over 30 years who lives in Oxford suggest we work together via WhatsApp video chat. Chatting and working in my sketchbook was just what I needed. I spoke about how hard it has felt for me to get back to painting and how the last few weeks I’ve had been busy in my sketch books but now I wanted to paint. She told me how she does a kind of dance when she gets ready to paint, I imagined the nimble prancing of a boxer in the ring, steadying and readying for the first punch or blow! This surprised me a bit because although Ali is a runner (I saw her run under the bridge I was standing on for the last London Marathon, which was very special and emotional.. I don’t run and never will) she has long legs and a calm languid gait, at least that’s my observation.
I thought about this after we said goodbye and having been absorbed in making drawings of my surroundings while we chatted I thought I’d take on an idea she shared about painting on cardboard and letting go of precious precision.
It made me think about how restrictive it can feel to wear smart white clothes, I rarely wear all white because it’s just too stressful! As a child I’m not sure I was free enough to come home muddy kneed and grubby, I think I was always quite contained (unless dancing which I still love).
Painting is teaching me how to live and let go more and the fresh canvas that is waiting like a wall flower for me to grab and dance with is still there. I made a painting of it, the back of it as the stark white front still feels inhibiting.
So here’s what I made before I shut my studio door for the day and honestly? It was the best thing I made all day.
I’ve called it ‘Shadow Boxing’ I love the way the image is of the back of a canvas and a window too.
I’m dedicating this one to Ali. You can see her reel on Instagram that inspired our chat and got me painting again here:
https://www.instagram.com/alisonberrettartist/
It never ceases to intrigue me how when we put pen to paper or brush to cardboard or whatever we choose, the images we make speak back to us, whispering suggestions to help us carry on.
So if you’re feeling stuck as I was, chat to a friend, share your anxiety, look around you, find something you don’t mind messing up and just go for it. Paint the first thing that catches your eye. It really doesn’t matter.
Last but not least many thanks to the team at https://londonwriterssalon.com I’ve loved joining the writer’s hour each morning and it’s really helped with my writing routine. Do have a look if you think you’d like to join.
Here’s the painting I made…it’s just a start but my reticence has left.
‘Shadow Boxing’ 35cm x 75cm Gouache on cardboard.