It’s been a while since I blogged, I seem to have missed August and the middle of the month is when I usually feel like writing something in between newsletters, just because.
I write most days, for an hour at least and it’s part of my process. I miss it if I miss it! I write about all kinds of things, swimming, painting. Yesterday I picked up my paintbrushes at 5pm having spent the day in a quandary, flitting from one thing to another, all essential though and with no regrets; catching up with admin, chatting with my son who goes back to uni soon, walking the pup, messaging friends, the laundry. Yesterday I filled 2 bin liners with clothes I feel no affinity with now. Such a good metaphor; clearing out one’s wardrobe.
So many people I know seem blue in one way or the other lately, or anxious, some have had serious operations with ongoing treatment and it’s left me feeling a bit perturbed. I’m more aware of the fragility of life, not even including what’s in the news. I had a stronger faith once upon a time, or rather a different faith, one that didn’t encourage me to feel feelings, but to claim my joy and celebrate. Although I still describe myself as a person of faith, I describe it as more liminal and liberal these days. I have no regrets about this either because having trained hard to manage uncertainty and learning to think on my feet, on the spot, it’s ok. But I do feel the need for something to ground me, like an anchor for my little boat that sometimes gets tossed by the gentlest of ripples. I know that the people in my life are all there for a reason and the connections I’ve made are magical at times, call it synchronicity or whatever, I know I am on some kind of path that’s positive even with all the challenges. I bought a book called Art and Faith recommended by a friend who I feel can read and understand my page. Maybe I’ll find it helps me to integrate the two.
People talk about feeling blue, singing the blues, psychologists cite that blue lighting in a restaurant is optimum for customer wellbeing and that they’ll linger longer and hopefully eat and drink more. This strikes me that the negatives can elicit positives, the expression of distress can turn things around. Music is so powerful and lately I’ve been rediscovering music I listened to when I was 20 as my son is making a collection of vinyl. I was thinking yesterday about how good for us it is to acknowledge where we are. Listening to Matt Haig on the Elizabeth Day’s How to Fail podcast confirmed to me that to be honest with ourselves is important, but to find the things that help and do them as much as we can. I can push myself too hard at times so today was a get out of bed when I’m ready day. I am gutted I missed swimming in the rain though, that’s such fun! As a child I was a bit precious and fragile, couldn’t swim, winced during netball and hockey at school. Now I love a bit of extreme; so funny.
So it’ll get back to those paintings that I went all indigo on yesterday, but today is a printmaking day and they usually turn out blue too. The darks and lights of life, the sharpness and the blurs. The stories we remember in all their complexity.
So how do you do the Blues, and what’s in your wardrobe that you need to pass on?
‘Blue Wardrobe’ Oil on Linen board 40cm x 40cm