On not watching you watching me.

Such strange days these are. I’ve been updating my website in time for the Wimbledon Online Art Fair and still tweaking as I go. I’ve realised a website is a lot like a painting and takes time to create. This surprised me as I hadn’t anticipated the organic nature that it could assume ; hence here I am on the last day of the Fair still making changes. In fact thinking there may be people I’ve never met before looking at my work whilst this writing is going on in the background is curious. I’m writing some reflections on what the experience has been like for me and am interested to hear your thoughts as we’ve become more accustomed to connecting in the virtual space and may well be moving back to some kind of restrained normality sooner than we thought.

I moved into studio 253 in December 2019 which was a significant move for me having been working at home alone in my garden studio. The May Art Fair was the show I was preparing for and I was looking forward to meeting visitors. Over the last few years my art practice had become an increasing part of my daily life but more in terms of my Art Therapy connections. Last year marked the transition to becoming an almost full-time Artist; I took part in two open studio events elsewhere and really enjoyed engaging with the visitors I met. I was both excited and nervous in preparation for this years May Art Fair as I know how hard the team work to market the event, that it’s well established and attracts 100o’s of visitors. Going online has still been a way of showing my work but in a much more digital way which had me slowly but surely climbing tech mountain with a few experienced climbers to help me from falling backwards.

Being fairly extrovert I wondered how I might facilitate connection with the visitors that might be looking at my work but not seeing me or rather me not seeing them. I wrote a brief hello letter to accompany my 3 paintings on the Art Fair landing page inviting telephone calls or face time chats with any questions about my Art or practice. I got a text message from a lady asking about the size of my paintings as it wasn’t obvious to click on the images to find more information. That was encouraging and the second time someone has commented that they’d like a much larger painting of mine. Cue for me to go large then! Other than that it’s been a quiet weekend, I’ve tinkered with my website, taken onboard some style advice and wondered about how I priced my work, too high? too low? I just don’t know. The whole experience has reminded me of the parallel process of how we shop for essential items in Covid-19 days, like a slowed down spaced out version of supermarket sweep but with face masks ; limited engagement with strangers and suspicious shifts out of each other’s way 2 metres apart of course. No smiles either.

Then I started thinking back to my Art Psychotherapy training, and the references to mirroring and intersubjectivity. In other terms, how we relate to each other, and are defined by our interactions with others. Infants understand themselves through the mirroring they receive from their carers, or not, and can grow up unsure of their selfhood and identity later in life if this was lacking early on. I looked up Merleau-Ponty, a philosopher who wrote about intersubjectivity and the last book before he died was titled ‘The Visible and the Invisible ‘ (1968) something to read another time but just the title resonated with my feelings about the symbiosis of it all !

Anyway, my point? It’s a question rather than an answer really. How does our Art communicate outside of us? How important is the relationship between the viewer, the article and the maker? Whilst my Art practice is therapeutic for me personally, in as much as it helps me process experiences, it is a communication with myself as much as with others if not more, but not true Art Therapy. Another question: does it matter if it communicates with others too? I hope that it elicits curiosity but maybe it’s good for me to look outwards instead of inwards and think about what it does communicate. Maybe you can tell me how it speaks to you?

So has my first big Art Fair been a success so far? In terms of where I’m now situated with my Art practice, my writing and my journey towards the top of tech mountain; definitely. Have a I pushed myself and learnt more than I thought I would ? YES, am I happy about it? Of course.

These weeks at home have certainly afforded me time I’ve needed to see myself more clearly and to consider how I am seen, even if you’re the invisible reader.

Anyway it’s been nice writing to you even though we’ve not met. Maybe we can converse in some other way.

I hope you stay safe and well and thanks for reading my blog no 2 :)

Here’s a Moem for you (my word for my poems which are moments in time or thought recorded, or on a bad day a cross between a moan and a poem. I’ll need to write one about unlocking lockdown soon, but not too soon I hope, we’ve still a way to go in tackling C-19

Stay at home vacation

There’s a kind of quiet elation

That’s born out of isolation

No more walking to the station

For now

The degrees of separation

In the news to all the nation

Might cause exasperation 

It’s true

Yet I hear the flowers whisper

And colours seem much crisper

And the energy they muster

Feels new

Lots of ands and oughts and shoulds

If we could turn back we would

We’re all looking for the good

Somewhere

It’s a time of pain and sorrow

Lots of worries for tomorrow

Hoping there’s more time to borrow

It’s bleak

There is strangeness in disaster

Waiting doesn’t make things faster

Something we will learn to master

In time

So remember your connections

Who to contact in vexation

For we all feel trepidation

Inside

Let’s let go of hard held feelings

You know the kind that leave us reeling

Now is not the time for screaming

But peace

Oh I could go on forever

But my thoughts I need to tether

And I’m wondering if you’ve fallen

Asleep 

So one more line or three

This is the place we need to be

One day we will be free

There’s hope

Always hope

Tracey Elizabeth Downing May 2020